TRADGIC END

Today in the early afternoon little Blueberries life came to a tradgic end. When David was letting our dog in, little Blueberry flew to the door and landed on the floor. Before anyone could say anything, David accidently stepped on her. David called me at work shortly after it happened around 12:30 in the afternoon. I haven't stopped crying since I heard about this horrible news. I wish I could stop crying, but I can't. I feel so sad because she beat all the odds and lived when others thought she wouldn't. She turned out to be a little fighter and lived for almost 2 months. She didn't let her handicap stop her from being a happy little bird. I feel extra sad because the boys were home when it happened. Alan told me he quickly turned his head but Alex was the one who saw it all happen and was the one ran to Blueberry and held her while she died. She died in his loving hands. He told me all about her last moments I just had to know she didn't suffer. It seems like she didn't know what happened. I'm hoping that is true. I would feel horrible if he knew what was happening to her. I feel so sorry for Alex that he had to see something horrible happen to something he really cared for and loved. Alex was so upset he told me he wouldn't be able to come into work. I am so grateful to Diane for coming in for Alex. We both love her so much. Alex ended up coming down to work to be near me and gave me a big hug with tears in his eyes. He has cried so much. He is still so upset and very very sad. I worry so much about him. David who always said he wasn't thrilled with the bird, ended up telling me he also loved the bird and enjoyed having her in our house. She would always go sit on his arm or lap while he watched TV. That made me feel a little better. He just needs to keep his unfavorable comments to himself. He has to realize he lives in a house of animal lovers.

Before Blueberry died she had a wonderful life with us, we spoiled her so much. She also had a wonderful last day on Earth. I woke her up in the morning as I always did and held her for a while. We then had our ususal breakfast together, I fed her some of my toast. She then enjoyed some playtime in her sandbox and then flew back to play in her play area while I watched her. Before I put her into her cage, I gave her a kiss and told her I loved her and I would be back later. I then had to leave for work. I always hated leaving her. I was so excited to come home after work and see and play with little Blueberry. I loved caring for her. Aaron also had some fun playtime with Blueberry. He played with her on the kitchen floor as she chased his hands. And Alex who loved her so much, had her sitting on his lap while he was on the computer and fed her some cereal. All my boys loved Blueberry and took such good care of her while I was at work. To them I will be forever grateful because without them, Blueberry wouldn't have lived.

I can't stop thinking about Blueberry and all I will miss because she is no longer in our lives. I remember when we first brought her home and holding her all the time in a tissue close to my body so she wouldn't get cold. I keep thinking about how she would hop into my hand while I was watching TV and snuggle. That hand was hers. I keep thinking of how her life started and how Aaron, Alex, Alan and myself constantly cared for her and how often I called home to see if she was still alive or how she was doing. After we knew she would live I then worried she wouldn't be in able to be in a cage because of her handicap and thought she would be on birdie formula all her life. I was also so worried she wouldn't be independant when the boys would start school in September. It turned out she lived in a cage and ate only the best bird seed and treats had lots of fun toys to play with and was very independent. I know I still would have worried about her each and every day when we weren't home with her. I will really miss our morning breakfast together as it was just Blueberry and I each morning while everyone else was asleep. I won't forget the many times during the day when we would take her out of her cage for play time and to stretch her wings as she flew around the house. I will miss watching her play with her toys and how she would carry them around and throw them over the edge of the table or her play area. She loved shiney things and bells. She was so fun! I will just miss her! I will especially miss saying, "Here Blueberry! Here Blueberry! Come to mommy!" and she would fly to where I was and land on my shoulder. I know we didn't have her very long but she had an impact on so many lives. Not just ours but many family and friends. She even visited the residents where I work. So many of them are saddened by her sudden death.

Little Blueberry is now buried in my backyard flower garden, and I guess you could say its her only time being in the outdoors since we got her. As I was emptying her sandbox, I poured the sand over her grave. She loved her sandbox so much. She is now free to fly in heaven on perfect legs and feet chirping happlily. I know my dad who is heaven and will care for and love Blueberry and will have a lot of fun with her as we did here on earth.

W will miss you forever Blueberry. You were such a special little Sparrow. Everytime I see a Sparrow, I will think of you.

I love you!

Mommy

It seems....................................

It seems like Blueberry is adjusting to his cage more and more each day. I am still waiting for the extra perches to arrive so I can make his cage handicap accessable. He tries really hard to perch on the rope perch but can't. This morning I took off the towel that covered the lower half of the back of the cage. He use to go crazy and was frantically trying to get out. At this moment he is just preening his feathers.

Yesterday I talked to Marilyn at work and she told me we have to go 3 hours now until Blueberries next feeding. When I first arrived at home yesterday, Blueberry was doing his baby bird fluttering wanting to be fed. I took him out and put him on his towel so he could eat seeds instead of his formula. It was so hard not to feed him, but I suceeded. He has a bigger interest in the seeds now so hopefully soon he'll be weaned from the formula. I am getting him a couple birdie treats to hang in is cage which I am hoping will help. We'll see.

My worries

I guess one of my biggest worries is will Blueberry ever like his cage? Its not a boring cage but it seems like his one goal is to try and get out. The last couple of days he seems to constantly hang out near the door in the front. His favorite mirror is near the front so this morning I moved it towards the back of the cage where his cuddle hut and tissue nest are. That seemed to help. Seeing he had to go to the back of his cage where his mirror is, he was exploring the cage a little more. Yesterday he managed to fly and stay on the dish perch I fixed up for him. I have a small dish that has a plastic perch up off the floor that is close to the rope perch. He has reached the dish perch but slipped off because of his feet. So yesterday morning I took two of my distressing sticks, I use them in my card making, they look like an emery board but are thicker and wider and used glue dots to attatch them to the plastic perch. He managed to get up onto the dish perch yesterday and stayed on it. Guess my idea worked. The rope perch is right next to it and he was nibbling on it and also trying to perch on the rope without success. Seeing he is a handicap bird and can't perch or climb like other birds, one foot can grip the bars pretty good and the other can't, I am going to get another rope and safety perch and put them side by side the ones I already have in his cage. I still do his physical therapy for his feet every day but now he starting to not like it. i'll just keep trying hoping someday his feet will be better. Otherwise I just make things in his cage easier for him to enjoy.

His sandbox is one of his favorite places to play. He loves taking his sand baths as Sparrows in the wild do. We have learned not to lean over and talk to Blueberry while he is taking a sand bath. Sand goes flying everywhere, especially in our faces. He still doesn't like water so a regular bird bath is out of the question for him. I bought a bird bath spray I mist him with. He doesn't seem to mind that too much.

My next biggest worry is, will he ever need us less and less? What I mean is, will he be more independent than he is now. I am trying not to hold, cuddle and baby him during the day as much as I use to. I still do at night an hour before his bed time. it our routine seeing he is still sleeping in his little home, with is now his bedroom which is in the boys closet. Its quiet and warm in the closet. Back to my next biggest worry. The boys go back to school in early September and I'll be at work, so there will be no one to play with Blueberry. I don't think David my husband is going to play with Blueberry. Unless he really has a heart and cares for Blueberry. He still thinks I was crazy to bring him home to care and spoil him the way we do. Thats too bad because he married an animal lover and his boys are also animal lovers.

With Blueberry its like I have a child in the house, but doesn't need as much care as a child. Non the less I still worry about him. I have 5 weeks to get him more independent and on bird food. Hope all goes well.